SALVETE! My inspiration is found. I have quite the tale to tell to you. The party my uncle invited me to last night was more than I could have dreamed of. Oh, mehercule! What a wretched yet wonderful night. I must write about everything I witnessed – or is it ‘endured’ – before my anima banishes it forever from my waking thoughts. The training of a Roman officer is no preparation for the extravagance of Trimalchio.

Yet I must place these accounts on paper. Even this morning’s retributions from last evening’s indulgences may not prevent me from putting pen to paper. Oh, curse that ever-flowing wine! Make yourselves comfortable, amicis, and listen well…


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